I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
