Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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