ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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