so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
