4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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