im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
