i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
