After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
