Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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