I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
