careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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