awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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