Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
