I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
