No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
