Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
