just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
