Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
