I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
