felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
