dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
