o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
