With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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