Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
