If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm both gender and math confused
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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