i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
