come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
