Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
