This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
