We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
