ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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