I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize