is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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