I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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