im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
