So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
