u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
