He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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