Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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