And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
