Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
