Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This baby is an asshole
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
