i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
