You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
