Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
