I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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