I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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