I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
