her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
