I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i think my cat just said my name.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
