It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
