I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
