I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
