TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
