he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
