Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
