she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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