I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
