i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize