saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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