so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
