I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize