I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
