My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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